A Need To Be Thinner ORIGINAL DRAFT VERSION
by Voca-Chan-o1
Summary: Rin's anorexic. She is able to hide it from all but one person... up to a point. "I was never perfect" /sorry I'm bad at summaries, but please R&R!/ Also WARNING: MAJOR DEPRESSION AND ANOREXIA please read the rewrite
1. Just a Normal Day

**Konichiwa minna! It's Bunni again! I'm back with a new -might I say depressing- story! /drum roll please/ "A Need To Be Thinner"! Let's start!**

Rin POV:

Rain trickled down my window, with each drop racing each other to the bottom. The clouds cried as if they knew what I was feeling. It always rained, like I always cried. Maybe the clouds were just like me. Maybe they didn't get along with any one.

I stared out the window and watched every little tear fall to the muddy, grassy surface. "Rinny! Dinner's ready!" My mother called, snapping me out of my peaceful trance. I stared down at my fat stomach, and shook my head. I never ate, but I trampled down stairs any ways. It was hard to move at all, since I never had much energy. I struggled, but made it down. My brother Kaito, easily passed me and sat down in his favorite spot at the end the table. Gumi rushed down and sat next to Kaito, giggling for no apparent reason, as normal. They were always close, because they were only a year apart. I, on the other hand, was 13, 4 years younger than Gumi and 5 years younger than Kaito. Lily, our mother, sat down beside Gumi. I, wobbly, walked over to the seat on the other side of Kaito, the seat under the one spot not shining with light. My father, Rinto, (I was named after him) was a doctor, and was always late home. But I didn't care that he wasn't there, I didn't want him to see his pathetic daughter starve herself.

My mother smiled and asked Kaito and Gumi about their day, while I, the forgotten child, stared off at the grey sky. The crying clouds, the screaming thunder, no one ever thought much of them. They just shrugged it off, and walked on by. They passed by and pretended that they weren't there. What was I to the world? Was I merely I was just a speck in the universe of importancy?

"Rin , what do ya' think?" Gumi squealed in an all so cheery manner. I shook, "Hmm?" "About the meatloaf?" My mother pointed. I stared down at the piece of seasoned meat in front of me. My stomach gurgled, but I ignored it, considering that it just was bored. I shrugged, acting like I ate it, "It's pretty good." My mother smiled, and I forced out a smile to comfort her. Gumi laughed, "Oh Rinny you're so kawaii!" I shamefully laughed and stared back out the window. Gumi and Kaito just continued laughing. Why did they laugh when the world was so cruel? I will never know. "Hey Rin!" Kaito smiled, catching my attention. I nodded and quietly whispered, "mhmm?" "Wanna go to the mall with Gumi and I tomarrow, you can bring Len!" He grinned, showing his blue braces among his teeth. Len was my only friend. We weren't just friends, but best friends. He never judged me and never called me fat. I nodded, "I'll ask." I pushed out my chair and slowly limped upstairs. As I got to the top of the stairs I heard Kaito whisper, "she's not looking so well." "Try to budge it out of her while you're at the mall Kaity-to," my mom whispered back. I shook my head, I wasn't going to tell them.

In my room, I stood on the scale in my bathroom. 71.3 pounds. How fat. I couldn't deal with this weight. I sighed and sat on the edge of my bath tub. Yet another purge. I stuck three fingers down my throat and coughed up the orange I ate earlier, and water. I would never be perfect. Then, I washed my hands and went over to my phone. I scrolled down my contact list until I reached 'Len Kagami'. I pressed the green 'call' button and waited for Len to answer. "Rin!" Len, almost immediately, answered. "Hey," I responded. "I was just about to call you!" He explained, "I was wondering if you wanted to spend the night tomorrow!" "Uhm, yeah! Sure! But can you come to the mall with Gumi, Kaito, and I before I come over?" I asked. "Mhm," he agreed. "Okay meet us at the orange tree!" I told him. "Okay! What time?" He asked. "Hold on, let me ask!" I put my hand over the phone "KAITO, WHAT TIME?" "LUNCH!" He yelled back. "lunch, at noon" I told Len. "M'kay see you tomorrow," Len hung up. I sighed. I wanted to be perfect. I took of my sweatpants and sweat shirt. I picked up my razor blade and slid it across my fat thighs. Blood dripped down, as I cut a few more times and stood up. I looked in the mirror. I had various cuts and scars all over my shoulders, thighs, hips, stomach, wrists, ankles, and arms. I would never be perfect. I wanted Len, but I obviously wasn't pretty enough for him.

I sighed and plopped down on my grey chair stationed at my orange desk. I stared out the window in front of the desk, and watched the raindrops. I took out my paint brush and painted raindrops on a white piece of paper. I grabbed my razor and added a bit of red into the water couler raindrops. The clouds rained when they cried, thundered when they yelled, and cut when the lightninged. I was practically a cloud. I stared into the darkening sky and when the first star came out, I whispered, "star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, wish i may o wish I might, can I be perfect, for just one night?" "Rin! It's time for bed!" Gumi yawned from her room across the hall. I limped over to my bed and slipped on a long sleeve shirt and some oversized sweat pants. I curled up under my white covers. I watched the moon and stars slowly apear and as the rain poured on, I cried myself to sleep.

**Yeah... It's pretty depressing... Anyways please leave reviews and I will update!**


	2. The Mall and Video Games

**Hullo? It is Bunni againnnn! OuO. It's time fer a new chapter!**

**Okay so sunset's crying commented:**

**wow...this is depressing stuff. Len has some serious saving to do...but some advice? Make paragraphs please. It's really hard to read the story when it's in block form. People tend to get turned off from reading a good story if there's no paragraphs/spaces.**

**But other than that, good job so far**

**Me:**

**I went back and edited chapter one. ;) notice the paragraphs? And thank you!**

Rin POV:

*Beeeep beeeep beeeep beeeep* my alarm screamed at me, bright and early in the morning. Or should I say rainy and early... Yet another rainy day.

I rubbed my eyes and yawned. I slowly sat up and glared at my clock: 10:14. I slept late. I struggled, but stood up and walked over to the scale. 70.8 pounds. I would never be as thin/pretty as Hatsune Miku. I shook my head, whatever. I didn't deserve a boyfriend anyways. I picked up an old water bottle and took a sip. The feeling of something actually going in my stomach instead of coming out made me shiver. I slipped off my sweats and pulled out my razor. Blood dripped down my wrists and tears poured out my eyes. "Why.." I whispered. "Why was I born this way?" I quietly cried.

Time passed while I cut and cried, and somehow it had passed to 11. "Rin! Please get ready, we leave in and hour!" Kaito yelled. I sighed and flicked off some blood, "M'kay." I washed my arms off in the sink and threw on a pair of grey sweatpants and a long sleeve Hello Kitty shirt. I put my baggy Totoro jacket over it, and slipped on some flip flops. Then, I went into my closet and pulled out my orange bag. Just shoving random crap (shirts, pants, phone charger, earbuds, mascara, razor, etc.) into it, I stuck a piece of orange gum in my mouth.

My legs and arms were numb, but I still managed to take out a note book and draw before we left. I stared into the crying sky and drew what my emotions brought: a tall tower with a poor young girl trapped in the top. Her mouth taped shut and her hands tied together. The rain was her only bliss. "Rinny-kins it's time to goooouuoo!" Gumi yelled. Once again, I wobbled up, and limped down the stairs. Kaito handed Gumi and I umbrellas and brought us out into the pouring rain. He got in the front of the car, and Gumi helped me into the back.

We drove to the small, frail, dying orange tree, and standing there was Len, with a huge smile on his face. He ran up to our car with his little umbrella, and hopped into the seat beside Kaito. His perfect golden hair was draped in a messy pony tail. He was wearing an old yellow t-shir, with a big banana in the middle, and some torn up skinny jeans. To top it off, he worn a baggy grey jacket. He laughed and smiled with Kaito, just talking about random crap.

In no time at all, we arrived at the mall. We grabbed our umbrellas and got out of the car. I nearly fell over when I wobbled out. It was hard to walk and smile, but I did it for Len. We began to walk around the mall, just going into random stores and stuff. I seemed to trail behind them though. Gumi and Kaito kept walking, but Len ran back to me. "Rin, what's wrong?" He asked, staring at me with those big blue eyes."Nothing," I told him. "Are you sure Rin?" He asked again. "Yeah, I'm fine," I lied. He smiled and grabbed my hand. Then he began to walk right by my side. 'Im fine' the most commonly told lie by me. "Hey Rin.." He stared out a nearby window. I nodded, " mhm?" "What do you think the rain is?" He asked me. "Well the rain. The rain is just little tear drops of the crying clouds. They cry because they are ignored, and because nobody cares about them. The thunder is them screaming and crying for help, but no one ever comes to help. They are lonely. They just need a friend," I stared into the sky. Len silently stared at me. Eventually he stared out into the sky, "Wow that was deep, Rin." "Hey Riiiiiiiiiiiiin! Let's get some ice cream!" Kaito yelled from across the mall. Len chuckled and ran towards the ice cream stand. I tried my best to get there fast, but it hurt. "Rin, what do ya want?" Len asked when I finally got there. God damn it. It was so hard to say no to Len, but I didn't want anything to eat. "Umm- I don't want anything," I mumbled. Len nudged me, "Aw come on!" I shook my head, "I'm not hungry." "Okay," he hesitantly said and got the three ice creams. They all enjoyed their ice creams, while my stomach growled. I ignored it though. It was just bored, it didn't need food.

After they finished their ice cream, Kaito decided he as tired and needed to go back home. Due to this, Gumi and Kaito went home and Len and I went to his house. His mom greeted me, "Hey Rin!" I smiled and waved, well I fake smiled. Len grabbed an orange and handed it to me, "Here!" I shook my head,"No, thanks." He gave me a weird look and put it back in the fruit bowl. He grabbed a banana and slowly peeled it. "Hey Rin!" He smiled with his mouth full of banana, "Lets go play some video games!" I nodded and he grabbed my hand, and pulled me upstairs.

In his yellow room, he pulled out a giant plastic box filled to the top with video games! "You've got like the heaven of video games!" I commented in awe. "Gee thanks!" He said as I rummaged through the box. I ended up picking one with a very beautiful box cover, "Ib". I grabbed the orange remote while Len pushed the game into the PS3. "When Gary comes in, I'll be Gary!" He declared crawling over to my side. I nodded as the game began.

"Wow it's such a cute little museum!" I squealed, looking at all the little paintings. "That's what you think at firstttt!" Len smiled. "Well, come at me!"

**M'kay. That's the end of chapter 2! Please reveiw!**


	3. Confession

**Ohayo! Another chapter is ready for chu! I am so happy b/c I received a lot of reviews.**

**iSeeU123: I wish! It is only a computer game right now but I love it ;) and I'm not quite sure what you mean, could you leave an example in the reviews?**

**XxKingArthurIIIxX: Gee! Thanks!**

**And to all the others who commented, I updated and thank you ;)!**

**0u0 enjoy!**

Rin POV:

"What the hell?!" I whined, because this manican head kept popping up every where. Len was in the corner laughing like crazy, and even snorting! "Len! Why is it following me!?" "Because it's part of the game!" He choked out in between laughs. I pressed the little home button, "Ya know what?" I turned the console off, "Screw it." "But Rinnnyyyyy!" He fake cried. I shook my head, "Nope." He rolled around, "Rinnnnnnn!" "Len it's 12:30 already anyways!" I pointed out. He let out a big sigh, "You have an excuse this time." I laughed, "Whatever!"

Len tossed me my orange bag, "Here get dressed, I'll turn away!" He turned around and I looked through my bag. I could find my sleep shirt, just not my pants. "Len, I've got a problem.." I said looking deeper in my bag. "Yeeeesh" he sung. "I can't find my sweatpants," I finally gave up. "Well, you left some shorts here a while back, you can sleep in those!" He smiled. I rolled my eyes, "No Len, I need sweatpants." "They're clean, Rin!" He pulled them out of his closet. "I really don't wan-" I started, but was rudely interrupted by him shoving them into my arms, "Just wear them!" I sighed, "Fine."

He turned around for me to change. I changed my shirt, and then stared at my legs, "But ya promise you won't hate me." He laughed, "Why would I?" I shook my head and slid down my pants. I picked up the little orange shorts, and slowly slipped into them. "Please don't hate me.." I begged, with tears forming in my eyes.

He turned around, and his once smile, was a frown.

I covered my face with my sleeves and cried into them, "I'm sorry!" Little drops of tears dripped down his face, "Oh, Rin." He pulled me into a tight hug, "Why?" He shook me by the shoulders, "Why would you do this to yourself!?" "I-I wanted you to love me. I wanted you to think I was skinny..," I stared down at my cuts, "I wanted to be perfect."

"Rin, you're perfect just the way you are!" He claimed. I shook my head, "I'm not like Miku!" Len lightly lifted my chin, "Rin, that's a good thing. Miku's a fucking slut. I nodded, in tears, "But she's perfect." Len sighed and scooped me up into his arms. "Rin. You're perfect, beautiful, skinny, and I do love you," he lied, as he cradled me in his arms.

Suddenly, a trigger snapped in my mind. Voices told me, 'he's lying' and 'don't believe a liar.' And so on. My heart shattered, "LIES!" "LIES!" I cried, slapping him. I fell to the floor, "It's all FUCKING LIES!" He tried to approach me, but I whacked away his hand, "NO! How could you ever love me?! I'm covered in cuts and burns!" I stared at my cut-ful legs, and fat thighs, "How could I be skinny when I'm 71 POUNDS!?" He kneeled right in front of me, and instead of saying, 'you're ugly bitch!' like I thought he would say, he pressed his lips against mine.

"Rin. You're perfect in every single way." He whipped away my tears that rested apon my blushing cheeks, "And I truly do love you." He stared at my cut and burned leg,

"Rin, show me every single one of your cuts." I stared down at my ugly legs, "Why?" He lightly kissed my forehead, "Because I want to see how many times you needed me, and I wasn't there."

I stared at him in awe before pulling up my sleeves that covered my hideous arms. "Rin, these are deep!" He commented. I nodded and pointed to an ugly scar on my wrist, "This vain is very important, and a while back I slit it open. I wanted to die." He pressed his finger against it, "What stopped you?" I stared out the window, "I realized that you weren't in heaven."

Then, I slid down the cloth around my waist. These cuts were deep, fresh, still bleeding, and scarred. "These were my first few cuts, and some cuts from the other day. They were when Miku told me that she was in a deep relationship with you." Len cried, "Oh, Rin."

I sighed and slipped the shirt off my shoulders, to reveal my worst cuts of all. Literally hundreds of deep scars and fresh cuts. Just looking at them made my heart break into billions of lonely pieces. "And these," I sighed, "this was when Miku told me that she was pregnant with your baby." I began to cripple as those cruel flashbacks came back. "She told me that I was a fat bitch, who needs 50 tons of makeup to be pretty," I cried. I pulled on my hair and mumbled, "I'm such a stupid, fat ass, ugly, pathetic bitch!" Len burst into tears, "No Rin! You're a beautiful, skinny, intelligent, worthy flower! You may be a bit frail, but we can work on that!" I shook my head and got my razor from my bag. Just as the razor was a centimeter away from my legs, Len grabbed my hand, "Rin! Please stop! I love you more than anything! You're perfect!"

He leaned in close to my face,"I've always loved you!" He pressed his lips against mine, and I felt bliss. My heart fluttered and raced. "Please believe me Rin." He stared me strait in the eyes, releasing from our kiss.

He reached over to grab a yellow math notebook. He flipped through the pages till he found a picture, well drawn, with a boy and a girl kissing in the center. Still holding me close, he pointed to the people, "I drew this the other day in class. That girl is you and the boy is me. You were just so beautiful, that I wanted you to be mine!" My heart raced as he flipped through tons of pages filled with my name and drawings of me. He shut the notebook, "And I asked you to come over so I could ask you out." I blushed so much, "R-really?" He kissed my forehead, "Of course." My heart skipped so many beats that I thought I was dying. And for some reason, I began crying. I couldn't tell if it was happiness or sadness, I just cried.

Len pulled me into a hug, "And I know that it'll be hard for you to stop cutting and purging, but plead try." He softly began to cry, "Please, Rin." He shook me by my shoulders, "It breaks my heart to know you do this to yourself!" I nodded, "Just for you, I'll try."

**What do ya think? Please review! ^3^**


	4. Snow and Hospital

**Konichiwa! I have another chapter for you! Thank you for all the reveiws! Enjoy ;)**

Lens POV  
Thanks to me, Rin tortured herself.  
I couldn't stand this thought.  
So from that day, on, I promised to watch over her.  
"Rin you'll get better, I promise," I whispered to my sleeping angel.

Little did I know what was ahead of me.

(2 days later, at Rin's house)

Rin's POV  
Len claimed that I was perfect. At 67 pounds, that was not true. I stuck four fingers down my stinging, burning throat. And thus doing this a few more times, I put on my fake smile. The thing was, I didn't know how to smile. I didn't know what pure joy was. But I tried my best, and they thought I was happy. I loved Len, with every single inch of my broken heart, but I could never believe that I was good enough for him.

I threw on some skinny jeans and a t-shirt, and picked up my yellow phone. I typed in the words, "On my way ;)" and began to limp down the stairs. I threw on a grey sweatshirt, with my matching fake smile.

See, my whole life was like a nightmare. I was just one off the wandering beasts. I had no hope from the start.  
My life was like a play, and I was the most amazing actress. I was the one that they couldn't even tell was acting. I was the professional.  
My life was like a hopeless love story. When eventually the author gave up. The never finished love story.  
My life was a tragedy that nobody wanted to live.  
My life was awful. I was that ugly, fat, emo, cutting freak that your parents warned you about.  
My life was the perfect horror story. Everything was frightful. I didn't know what was around the corner.

As I reached the front door, I called out, "I'll be back in a bit!" The door slammed behind me, and I stepped out in to the cold air. With the wind hitting me like ice shards, and snow blowing around like the brown maple leaves of fall, I made my way over to the withering orange tree. This was the orange three going through a struggle, just like me. And at this orange tree, I waited for Len.

The snow was beautiful. I loved the little white flakes whirling around. I loved the cold. The white crystals were such beautiful things. The little snow birds flying around. Beautiful. The sweet aroma of orange and flowers, it was lovely. All the little plants were frozen over, wearing a thick layer of ice. I just loved the view. White was my favorite color. It resembled a new beginning. A new year, with a snowfall. Lovely.

Twigs and ice crackled and snapped as Len walked up to me. "You look beautiful," he said with a smile, and his fingers combing through my messy blonde hair. I blushed and grabbed his hand, snuggled tight in a black glove. He began walking with me to the nice little restaurant at the end of the block.  
As we strolled over there, I began to feel dizzy. Everything was doubled, and I felt like I was in a dream. As I walked, feeling like a cloud, I couldn't think strait. I couldn't remember my name or were I was. The world spun one last time, and the cloud feeling dropped. My vision blurred, and then turned absolute black.

"Help, she fainted!" voices yelled, but I couldn't tell who.  
Sirens wailed, but I didn't know what for.  
Another voice cried, "Rin!" but, I didn't know who.  
As I thought, I realized: I didn't know anything.  
All I knew was that I was in a black room.  
Running.  
Running from myself.

Lens POV  
"Help, she fainted!" I yelled, as Rin all of a sudden collapsed. I dug into my pocket and pulled out my cellphone. I called ambulances, her parents, everyone for help. I leaned over to her side, and slid up her sleeve. Just as I thought, fresh cuts. Really deep ones, too. They were even still bleeding. "Rin!" I cried, as ambulances drove up. Men came out and carefully set my Rin on a bed in the ambulance.

I stood by her side, the whole entire ambulance ride. But I refused to look at her, realizing that this must have been all my fault. And in the hospital, I was forced to sit in the lobby as they did tests on her. Sure enough, they came back with the results. She was dying. Dying of starvation and blood loss. Tears poured out of my eyes as they let me come into her room.

With a breathing mask and tubes in her arms and stomach, I sat beside her. "Rin, I'm so sorry," I cried, kissing her forehead. "Her mental stage is unstable," I heard doctors and nurses tell eachother. I curled up in the chair next to Rin's bed, and eventually fell asleep.

Rin's POV  
"Patient Rin Kagamine is still unconscious," worried voices said.  
Was that my name?  
R-i-n?  
The blackness flashed into painful memories.  
Yes, my name was Rin.  
The ugliest, fatest creature alive.

Len POV  
I was in deep sleep, until the sudden screams and cries of Rin woke me up. I rubbed my eyes and saw doctors pinning Rin down. I pushed them out of her way, "WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?" I yelled. "Rin is unstable! She's not thinking!" They replied pushing me out of the way. Rin grabbed onto my hand, and with her big blue eyes filled with tears, she cried, "Lennn! Take me hoooome!" I yanked my arm away, "No, Rin! You're to ill!" Her eyes sunk into a deep depress, "Let's just go home and forget about this!" I shook my head, "We can't just forget about this." She gasped and doctors pushed me out the door, "We can't have anyone making contact with her!" I blew her a kiss, "Rin I will take you home when you're better." I watched as she was sealed in a solid white room.

Rin's POV  
After crying for hours, I stared at the white ceiling. Normally I liked white, as it was the color of beautiful snow, but not this room. This room was all white, no frozen flowers, no Len. What was I to the world? Merely just a rock in the way, or a speck of unimportance? Or a seed, just about to sprout a beautiful flower. Or had I already sprout, into a wallflower, withering away as I lied there in the room? Or possibly I was just another tear of the crying clouds. Who in the big blue wondering world knew. I deathly hated myself. What happened to the sweet, innocent, happy child I used to be? What happened to being able to smile without an effort? What happened to my pure joy? A need to be thinner.

**What do you think? Please tell me in the reveiws and I'll update once more!**


	5. Hospital Release

**c: hallo... New chapter? Yup. Please read :)**

Lens POV  
With my hands stuffed in my pockets, and icy tears flowing in my eyes, I kicked the snow and gravel along the street. Sunny, rainy, or snowy, no matters the forecast, the sun did not shine without Rin by my side. My smile was gone, it was locked away with Rin. I walked slouching, and I didn't talk much. Rin was my encouragement. She was my motivation for life. Without her I was nothing. I refused to eat, as I lost my appetite for everything. I lost my friends, they started freaking out when I didn't talk to them. Even Miku avoided me. Was this what it was like for Rin? Pure misery? Why did I not pay enough attention to her? I should've died. I was a monster.

Rin's POV  
The days, possibly weeks passed by. I didn't know, I couldn't tell. In a room with no windows, it's was even hard to tell if it was day or night. Over the time I was in there, I was fed so much. By the time I was discharged, I weighed 89 pounds, which sickened me. I still felt weak, but atleast it was easier to stand. My head filled with confusion, doubt, and depression, but I put on that fake smile. My heart and head was filled with sadness and suicidal thoughts, but me being the actor I was, acted better than ever. When they decided I was stable enough (or looking stable enough) they released me from the hospital.

When I opened the doors to the waiting room, my whole family was there. Even Len's family was waiting for me. The first person to greet me was Len. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt his tears sink through my shirt. He didn't look so good though. He was extremely pale and thinner than ever. He pressed his lips against mine and whispered in my ear, "Rin, please don't do this to yourself." As I looked around the tear filled room, my heart began to slowly shatter. I realized how big of a burden I was to everyone. I realized how much pain I've brought. Lily, Len's mom, pulled Len away and gave me a great big hug, "Oh Rin!" I always thought of her as my second mother. She kissed my forehead, "Len feels awful. He hasn't eaten in the month you've been in there, and I haven't seen him smile either." A month? Wow. That long? I started uncontrollably crying, realizes what I had done to Len. Then my mother ran up to me, "Dear God Rin! You have a perfectly fine life! Why do you do this?" I shrugged, wow way to be supportive.i could tell that she was deeply ashamed to me. My father walked up and pulled my mom away, "Lenka, show some mercy." Then I was pulled into a hug by him. He always seemed so tough, but I felt his tears drip down on me. I nearly choked in the smell of his cologne, but that was the sweetest moment I've ever had with my father. Normally I only saw him before bed time. Then Gumi and Kaito had to ruin it. They spun around us singing, "Rin you bad bad bad bad girl! You cut you self and made you hurl!" My father was bipolar, and I watched him try his hardest not to punch them in the face. Gumi waltzed around with Kaito, "Oh Rin, you are SoOOoOoO over dramatic." I snickered, "Look who's speaking." They slapped their cheeks, "Well look who's being a little jerrrrrk!" I rolled my eyes and my mom grabbed their hands, "Will you two just shut up!" And she yanked them to her blue pickup truck. I followed after, and my father got in his black minivan.

He drove back to work, while I told Len goodbye. I hugged Lily, "Thank you for being here." She smiled, "It's the least I could do sweetie." Then Len half way smiled at me. It seemed like he hadn't slept in ages, dark circles rested under his eyes. He kissed my forehead once more,"I love you so much Rin." I kissed him back with all the care I had, "Please don't become like me, please." He nodded, but I could see through his lie. As he jumped in his mom's car, I told Lily, "Keep a close eye on him. He isn't doing to well." She nodded and jumped in her car.

I got in the back seat next to Gumi. I stared out the window at the little flurries of snow. The trees wore a thick layer of snow, and the roads were slick. How beautiful. Even the littlest of the trees, the littlest of the flowers were snuggled inch deep in a blanket of glistening snow. Each snowflake fluttered down from the blue icy sky. The sun slightly peeked out of the snow clouds. Someday I would see the clouds. I would be with the clouds. Then we passed the dying, freezing orange tree. That poor thing was on its last limb. It's been with us since I was born. The car stopped as we reached our house. My mom's once caring face turned into an angry expression.  
And, this starting my real hell.

**How do you like it? Or how do you hate it? I mean hopefully you like it but,, you know what I mean! Please review!**


	6. Hell Called Home

**More more more! I love updating!**

Rin's POV  
Every razor, shard of glass, and everything that could do a slight bit of harm were taken. My scale, mirror, and measuring tape were taken as well. My long sleeve clothes, my jackets, and even my dorky knee socks were shoved far into storage. I was forced to wear short sleeves and shorts. And just as I thought it couldn't get any worse, I had to-shivers- bathe with Gumi.

Instead of my mom being caring like I thought she'd be, I was punished. Everything was like a punishment. I was playing the game of life and it seemed that I chose the "risk" path. Every 10 minutes at night, someone (Gumi, Kaito, or Mom) would check on me. It was miserable.

And, the day I went back to school was even worse than home could have ever been. Len didn't look any better, in fact he looked more "dead". But he still smiled and protected me.

Every second walking through the hallways was like walking through the house of mirrors. I was lost and confused and I couldn't tell which was the real path.

Every one laughed at my cuts and pointed. I tried to ignore it, but even the teachers called me an 'emo freak' behind my back. I just put on the fake smile that stayed with me. By this time the fake smile had grown on me. It new when it was needed and I didn't even have to think to put it on.

This cycle just kept going on, everyday was the same. It went on for days, weeks, even months till my last string snapped.

Miku's POV  
The little bitch Rin came back to school after being in the crazy people hospital. Len practically was her bodyguard. "Is little Rin being a baby 'bout her emotions?" I teased noticing the deep and ugly cuts on her legs. She kept on smiling, as Len defended her. "Why don't you and your little bitch ass go fucking die," he yelled at me. I laughed and just kept walking.

Later in the week, Len finally let bitch go to the restroom. I waited a bit, and then went in. Rin was washing her hands when I said, "You're such a baby!" Her eyes shot a horrified glare at me. She began to run to the exit, till I blocked her way, "Hey at least say hello!" She tried to push her way out, "Aw, does Rin think she's strong enough to get past me?" I shoved her to the ground, "Well you can't!" She whimpered,"I'm so sorryy!" I laughed and kicked her with all my might, "Lol, you dumbass." She wailed, "Please! Stop!" I laughed and ignored her screams and cries.

I continued to beat her till she was lying in a pile of her own blood and tears. I washed my hands to hide the evidence, and walked out the door. And no one even noticed.

Rin's POV  
There I lied. With pain zapping through out my body. I was to weak to get up, and no one heard my cries and screams. I was a hopeless reck.

I thought I was going to die there, when a girl with long red hair came in. When she saw me there she started panicking. "Ahh! W-what happened?" She asked kneeling beside me. I tried to speak, but couldn't, as I chocked on my own blood. I wanted Len. Then the girl stood up, and when I thought she gave up on me, she stuck out her hand, "I'm Miki. Let's take you to get help."

And at this moment, I felt a bit of happiness. No one had ever just randomly helped me. So, I grabbed onto her hand, and I wobbled up. The pain was so bad, every step was like a stab of pain. She walked me towards the nurses office till I saw Len in the distance, talking to his math teacher.

Then, I used all the strength I had to run to him. He greeted me with a warm hug and worried tears, "What happened?!" I shoved my face in his chest and cried, for that was all I could do. "I found her lying in a pool of blood in the restroom and I helped her up," Miki explained jogging over to us. Len nodded, "It was probably Miku." Miku. Even her name gave me chills. Len streaked his fingers through my messy bloody hair, "Thank you." "Hmm?" Miki cluelessly hummed. Len pulled out his wallet and grabbed $10, "Thank you for helping her. Please take this." Miki laughed, "I don't need money, I was just helping her out!" Len crumbled up the money, "Wow, you are really amazing." Miki smiled and ran off to her locker.

"Rin, what happened," he asked. I honestly felt to awful to talk about it. "Rin you have to tell me," he lifted my bleeding chin. Once more, I tried to talk, but coughed up blood. He sighed and picked me up bridal style, "I will just take you to my house for the rest of the day." I nodded and snuggled in his arms.

As he carried me to his house, we passed the orange tree. The tree had not one orange on it, and only had a flurry of leaves left. It's branches were broken and chipped. It was dying. Len quietly hummed while the birds sung their song of beauty. The ice cold air hit our bodies like shards of glass.

Len reached into his pocket when we reached his oak wood house. He took out his keys and unlocked the rickety old door. His mom stayed at home, so he called out, "Mom, Rin's hurt!" As he shut the door behind him, not even a voice, or even a shuffle of feet was heard. Just pure silence, with the whistle of the wind outside. Len moved me to his shoulder and walked into her office where she normally was.

And what we saw, broke both of our hearts.

**CLIFFHANGER please review my lovelies!**


	7. Lily's Death

**Hey!  
ScarletDemonNessa commented: I really want to see what happens next so please consider working on it soon! Also this is just a suggestion but maybe Len could fall into depression too and Rin seeing how when she hurts himself she's hurting him mentally AND physically now could drag them both out. It's just a suggestion but I kinda thought that's where you were going with it.  
I reply: yes, that is what I was sort of doing, partially. Something is going to tragically change the outcome. But trust me, in the end of all this mess, it will end happily.  
;) lets complete that cliffhanger**

Len's POV  
With the injured Rin in my arms, I walked around our house looking for my mom. The one place that I thought she'd be, was her office. When I opened the door, I was so shocked and hurt. My heart took a needle to it. My mother was lying unconscious on the floor. I panicked, and set Rin down. I shook my mom with all my might, with tears streaming down my face, "Mom! Mom wake up!" When she didn't budge, I grabbed a phone and called 911. Rin crawled over to my moms side, as she was crying too, "Lily?" She choked out.

Moments filled with tears later, the ambulance arrived at my house. They listened to her heart and tested her blood pressure. Rin sat in my lap, biting nearly all of her fingernails off. As the doctor put away their things they sighed, "I'm sorry, but it's to late." Rin and I both were struck with heart break. I set Rin to the side and leaned over my mom's frail body, "No! You're lying she's going to be fine!" Rin came up behind me and grabbed my shaking hand, "Len, she's gone."

At this moment, the depression of Rin hurting herself and my mother dying, built up so much confusion and anger. And I felt like all this was my fault. I snuggled my face into Rin's lap an cried like I had never cried before. If only I had asked Rin out earlier, if only I took better care of my mom, if only I wasn't such a monster, everything would've been fine. There was so much wrong with me, why did Rin even love me. I was not worth loving.

The doctors and paramedics took my mother's corpse, as I noticed something. On the computer, a note was written:

'Dear Len,  
Please don't freak out, I know I'm dying, I've known for months. It's time for me to go and it can't be stopped. Take good care of Rin my sweet child. I love you. Please l-'

And it was cut off. I didn't know what to do other than cry. And returning the favor, Rin held me while I cried, and cried with me. She listened to everything I said. "Len, I think you should stay with us," she whispered in between my cries. I shook my head, "No, I don't want to be a burden. She kissed my forehead, "Listen Len, I don't trust you alone. I don't think my mom will mind." I wrapped my arms around her, "Thank you Rin."

Rin's POV  
There was no way I could trust Len alone the way he was. His father abandoned him and him mother died. He would have probably had a breakdown.

After this tragic experience, I limped with Len to my house. My house was empty when we threw open the door. "Can we go up to your room?" He asked, already heading up the stairs. "Well I guess," I said following him. Every step was a stabbing pain. I just shrugged it off as I always did, but going back to that hospital experience, I probably should have payed more attention to it.

At the top, I noticed a bag of something on a shelf in the hallway closet. "Hey Len, go play video games or something.. I'm going to use the restroom." I told him. He nodded and went into my room, as I fled to the closet. I opened the bag, to find all of my razors and weapons. I gasped, elated that I found them, yet devastated knowing I couldn't help but to once again start up. I took a few razor blades, so it wouldn't be to obvious that I had been in there. I slowly zipped the bag and slipped the razors in my pocket, making my way back into my room. Len wasn't playing video games, but resting on my bed. I combed my aching fingers through Lens messy blonde hair. He was fast asleep. My mom wasn't home, Len was asleep: that was my chance.

I tiptoed over to my bathroom, which was in my bedroom so I didn't know how Len believed that I went to the restroom. I took out that razor blade, my silver brother, the metal piece that ruined so much, and once again slid it against my skin. It hurt like hell, but it brought a smile to my face. Blood dripped down as I scraped and cut at my skin. It hurt, in a good way. I loved the way that the skin around the cuts puffed up like carpet burns. I loved the way that the blood poured out like red wine spilling. Was I a physcopath? An abuser? Yes, but only to myself. I could've never done this to anybody, even Miku. It would kill me to put someone else through the pain I was going through.

I splashed my hands around in the pools of red liquid, till I heard a shocked gasp behind me. I turned around and Len was standing there with tears in his eyes. I nearly cried, knowing how much tragedy he had gone through that day, "Len I'm sorry." He shook his head, "Rin, you're never going to learn are you?" I just continued to look down at the pool of blood I was sitting in. "Rin, it hurts me more than it hurts you. Do you understand how much my heart hurts when I see new cuts on you?" He teared up. I crushed my razors in my hand, "I'm so sorry." He kneeled down beside me, "Then please stop doing this to yourself." I stared at my ugly cuts, "It's not that easy. Telling someone to stop cutting is just the same as to tell someone in a wheel chair to start walking, it takes time. A lot of time." He kissed my forehead, "Rin, I know this. But at least try." I nodded, even though I was planning my suicide.

***^* short chapter but whatevs... Please reveiw.**


	8. School

**Helloooo! Another chapter is ready!**

Rin's POV  
My mother approved of Len staying here, and after a heartbroken, truth filled night, I was forced to another tragic day of school. Len let me borrow his super skinny jeans, and I wore a t-shirt. My new cuts were covered up. Len kissed my lips, "It's almost time to go." I nodded and grabbed my scraggly old backpack. He began to walk down the stairs, when I called out, "Hey Len, I'll be down I just need to grab something!" I ran into the hallway closet. I grabbed razors, drugs, and a rope, and laughed at the thought of Len saying I was perfect. I was never perfect. Not then, not now. I ran out and shoved these things into my backpack, and made my way down stairs. I put on that fake smile of mine, but this day, it was only partial fake. And it wasn't because of Len being sweet, it was because I knew that on that day, I would reach paradise.

Lens POV  
Rin seemed happier than ever that day, she smiled with a glow like a young child did. Was she finally getting her joy back? I had no clue. She walked a little lighter, and less slunched over. This made me happy. At school, every one called her names like 'attention whore' and 'dumb ass bitch', but she didn't seem to mind, she just smiled and kept she getting better at fake smiling? I couldn't tell. Around lunch, we saw Miki again, the girl who had helped Rin out. "I see you're as happy as the sunshine!" She commented to Rin. Rin giggled, "Yeah!" I smiled, as Rin had made a friend other than me. She was finally getting better... Or so I thought.

Rin's POV  
The only class I didn't have with Len was 6th period, or history. I told my history teacher that I didn't feel well and she instructed me to go to the nurses office. I took my backpack and headed out into the hallways. I walked with a smile on my face and my head held up high, in a few minutes I could go to wonderland. I skipped the nurses office, and went out the school. Butterflies filled my heart, I was so excited. I took a quick walk over to the orange tree. Only a few leaves remained, but they were beautiful. I smiled, I no longer was going to have to live through this awful life.

**Sorry it's so short!  
But it has a soon to come following chapter!**


	9. Rin's Suicide

**Sorry :(**

Rin's POV  
The day where Len moved in, where I found all my weapons, where Lily died, where Miku beat me up, that day led up to my suicide date.

Under the orange tree I sat, with a little notepad in my hand. Ideas were jotted down for my suicide note. The breeze blew the paper around, causing my hand writing to be utterly messy. As I watched a leaf fall, and mentally collapsing, I realized the perfect note. I finished off the letter, and folded it's up in my pocket for later.

With my psychotic smile, I took out a blade. I slid it across my skin. I was a beautiful artist, just in a different way than others were. My paintbrush was a razor, and it painted with blood red. My canvas was my body, and the inspiration was all in my head. I cut myself until my pale skin was not visible anymore through the aching cuts and dripping blood. It hurt, but in a good way. My arms and legs and whole entire body were frail. My arm would shake as I tried to lift it and my legs would wobble, but I stood up and grabbed my rope. I tied it around a tree branch hanging up high, and thought of all my painful memories.

My dad was never there, he was always at work. My mom kicked him out of the house various times for screaming and yelling. He screamed and yelled at Gumi and Kaito, but never to me. My mom never paid much attention to me, she favorited Gumi and Kaito. I was a so called 'accident' to her. Gumi and Kaito constantly teased me, by calling me fat or ugly, just for a joke, but not knowing how much it actually hurt me. Miku deathly hated me, for who knows why. She would do anything to hurt me. And Len. I never thought Len loved me, or even liked me the slightest bit. But he truly did. But with teased words of Gumi and Kaito,with being blocked out by my mother, with bullying, with my dad never being there, and with words of hate from Miku, I created this helpless drama I called a life. I did this all to myself. I was hopeless from the start.

Tears dripped down my cheeks and I shook them off. There was no reason to be pouty, or cry when I was so close to paradise. I took the bottle of pills and ran over to my rope. I slipped my folded suicide note and pinned it to the tree. With blood dripping down off me to the floor, I swallowed the whole bottle of pills. I felt nauseous, but also at bliss. I pulled my backpack under the rope, and stood on it as I tied the rope around my neck. I kicked the backpack out from under me. The rope got tighter and I began losing my grip of breath. Tears streamed down my eyes, "I'm sorry," I chocked out.

The last leaf of the orange tree fluttered to the ground, as my body became limp, and the world slowly darkened. Now I didn't have to live through the life I used to have, I didn't have to deal with all the painful memories. The tragic things in life were all gone. But what I had I brought myself to? I could have just reached out for help. I could've taken Len's hand in recovery. Instead my corpse was hung by a rope, and swaying in the wind, just waiting for the paradise that may never come.

This all could have been altered, if only it wasn't for a need to be perfect,  
a need to be thinner.

**I'm sorry it's so short and I promise it ends happy!**


	10. Finding her

**Okey. Time for another chapter! Yes this story will have a sequel just so you know.**

With a broad smile, I skipped to seventh period. I flung the door open and Rin wasn't there. I just suspected that she was in the restroom. So I waited, but she never came.

Then it struck me, 'oh no'. My hand twitched as I stared out the window, 'she didn't. she couldn't'. I thought panicking. I darted my hand up, and without waiting for the teacher to call on me, I declared, "I need to go do something, now." She shook her head, "Len, we are in the middle of a lesson." I pushed out my desk, "I don't care, it's really important." She sighed, "Len sit down please." I frowned and took a run for it out the door.

I sprinted through the front door of our school, while the harsh wind chilled my eyes. 'No no no no no' my heart beated quickly. I ran down the sidewalk that was placed on the trail to school. I took a turn off the concrete, to the orange tree.

When I saw what was there, my heart, just hanging on by a string from my mother dying and Rin hurting herself, finally broke. It completely shattered like a glass wine bottle dropping to the floor.

The grass was dyed red with my beautiful Rin hanging from a branch of an orange tree, bleeding above. A pill container was covered in blood on the ground. I fell to my knees, with my mouth wide open. She killed herself. She wanted to be perfect. At this point, I didn't know what to do. My mother and Rin, the two people who I deeply cared for and who felt the same for me, were dead. I was just a lost child. Tears dripped down my cheeks, as I noticed a paper pinned to the tree. With my shaking hands, I reached out to the note.

'Dear Len,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything; for being alive. I truly do love you more than anything, but obviously I'm not fit to live in reality. It's time. It's time for me to reach wonderland: the place I can be myself and have what I want. I'm not perfect. I was never perfect. I'm just like this orange tree. I sprouted small and noticed. I was new for everyone. But then after I bloomed, I was unnoticed. Everyone had gotten used to me being there, and just kinda ignored me. With out the attention and care that I needed [or the water and fertilizer in the tree's case] I began slowly dying. Now, as the last few leaves fall off this tree, the last few breaths escape my mouth. Now, people will past by this tree and my hanging body chattering and laughing, just happy I'm might do the same. Well, thank you for everything and I'm so sorry. I'll be watching you from above. When you look up at the clouds, please think of me. I love you so much, and trust me I'll be happier.

Rin'

The ink smudged as tears hit the paper. Oh Rin. I stared up at the clouds as I cried. It wasn't raining. She was happier. But I couldn't let her body sit here and rot. I picked up my phone and dialed Lenka's number. She answered in an angry tone, "Why are you calling during school?" I took a deep breath, "Rin... She-she...she committed suicide." She gasped and hung up.

Just a bit later her car came speeding up. She jumped out the car, and ran over to Rin. Her eyes grew large and she turned to me with a death eye shot. She grabbed me by he shoulders and began shaking me, "What did you do to her!?" I grabbed her hands and tried to stop her, "Nothing! I promise!" With an insane glare in her eyes, she slapped me, "Tell me or I'll get you arested! No, I'll kill you!" I took the letter out of my pocket and shoved it in her face. She took the letter and scanned through it. She shivered, "No she can't be gone..." She buried her face in my shoulder and cried, "My baby!"

It was sad, but true. Rin was gone.

**Tell me what you think and I'll update soon!**


	11. The Funeral and Shocking Tears

**Hallo! I received a few reveiws in a few hours: LOLOLOL**

**Uh the first one is from VocaloidWriter**

**They said: Oh my god...so Lenka did care for Rin...this is really sad. I hope you continue!**

**I reply: Yeah, she didn't show it enough though. Sometimes parents may act rude and act like they hate their child, but deep down they care. Someone else was kind of he same to her... She acted like a jerk when Rin was alive, but when she's dead, it's a whole new emotion.**

**The second is from xXMissyKix**

**They said: My eyes are actually watering and I think I'm going to cry...**

**I reply: good, that's actually what I was going for. I love getting the readers connected! Now to start!**

Len POV

Later the day of the harsh discovery, I sat at the dinner table with Rin's family. Food sat in front of us, but everyone just stared at it. No one touched their food, no one spoke. We all just sat there, awkwardly, silently, with a rolling want for Rin to come back. No one smiled, or laughed, or moved. We all stared blankly out the window, or at the chilling food, or off in the distance. We all were just lost seeds that flew off of a flower. I tried to get my mind off of her, but I couldn't think straight. My mind would wander and remember the memories made with her. Every little cloud of thought in my mind had to do with Rin or how much of a monster I was. I shouldn't have let that happened. She was not supposed to die. This was supposed to be a hopeless live story that I could fix. But no. I was to late. My heart had been stabbed a million times by the pain of my life. Even Gumi and Kaito, who were always loud and over-dramatic, were silenced. Everyone's eyes wore dark bags beneath them, looking as if they didn't get sleep. We all were pale as a ghost, looking like we were cold or nervous. No. We were just shocked, in pain. I shook like an elderly person trying to pour milk. Oh, Rin. I loved her more than anything in the world.

Holding back my tears as best as I could, I pushed out my chair. I wobbled up the stairs, with my hand over my mouth, and slammed the door to Rin's room shut. I looked around her room as I silently cried. There were so many good memories there, and so many bad too.

Even though they brought pain to me, I cherished those memories, for they were what was left of Rin. They were the things I had to hold on to for the rest of my life. Even if I were to forget my mother, or my father (who had abandoned me when I was younger) I wanted to remember those memories, the good and the bad.

I bounced onto Rin's bed and stared up at the ceiling. Why did she have to go? My heart was nearly broken. It was hanging on by a thread. I had no purpose for life. Without Rin I was a nobody. My once racing heart beated slowly in my chest. My breath came out in slow, staggered waves and my body shivered every air out.

Without Rin I could barely live, I could barely breathe.

- {a few days later}

Lenka's POV

Everyone was dressed in black attire and I walked down the isle with Rinto by my side. We weren't getting married, but going up to speak for our daughter's funeral. Len walked behind us, looking even more depressed than I.

As we stepped up on the platform, my heart ached, for my daughter was rested in a coffin with her arms folded on top of a bouquet of flowers, dead. To see my sweet child like this was one of the worst feelings I'd felt in a long time. Her heart was beatless, causing mine to almost be. The organ played, and the audience cried.

I stepped up to the stand and began to speak. "Rin was the sweetest girl you would meet. She was a darling. Just by looking at her, you could never tell she felt this way. She-she didn't deserve to die!" I burst into tears. Rinto wrapped his arm around me and dragged me to the side.

Len didn't even look up at me. He just stared at Rin's corpse. The poor boy loved her probably more than I could. Trust me, I loved her very much! But Len, he loved her more than his own mother.

Len's POV

At her funeral, I felt dead as well. I couldn't stop looking at her empty corpse. I was so much happier with her by my side, but she seemed to be happier in her escape from reality. She truly needed paradise.

Out of everyone in the crying and sobbing of the crowd, one person surprised me. Miku was huddled up in the corner, crying. Even more surprising, she was hugging the picture of Rin on the obituary. She looked hurt. Why? Why was she crying and devastated? She obviously showed hatred to Rin when she was alive.

Rin's POV

My mission was accomplished. I finally reached paradise. The one thing that would have made it better was with Len by my side.

From the clouds, I watched my funeral. It was awful. I never thought I would die so young. I remember when I was younger, I used to think I was going to live to be a hundred. Well, I thought wrong. For I had died at 13. It was rather depressing watching the crowd of tears praying to my corpse. If only I had known how much they cared, I wouldn't be hurt, I wouldn't be dead.

One little teal head caught my eye though. Yes. Miku was tucked up in the corner with puffy red eyes. She looked like she was hurt by my death. Why did she care when I died, but hate my guts when my heart was beating? Was she jealous of me? Who knows.

**Please review! Gahh! I'm almost doneee! Just a bit more!**


	12. IMPORTANT NOTICE (A:N)

OKAII! HAI!

It's bunni (the author) that's not my real name, but like seriously everyone calls me that! No. I'm not telling you my real name!

Anyhoodaloodle, this is more of a warning: This story does not end completely happy; but this story is not complete yet. I still have one final chapter for "A Need to Be Thinner". It gives a hint for the second story. In the second story, you will go through Len's story. When he and Rin reach the happy ending, it's still not complete. Some mysteries wills till remain, and questions need to be answered. That's why another story follows after. It will be the aftermath. It will be in the POV of the surrounding, and what secrets they unravel. When you reach the next chapter, you will wonder "what else is in Rin's diary?" You will discover in the third story. Did she really kill herself just because of Miku and wanting to be perfect, or is there something else we don't know? Well, keep reading and you will see!

Please enjoy, and I hope I can get some tears from my audience!

LUV YU ALL!


	13. Her Silent Room

**So, this is the moment I've been preparing you for! the final chapter! It leaves at a cliffhanger ;) ! **

**but lucky for you, it has 2 more sequels, as mentioned in the previous chapter! The first is called "A Jump For Paradise". It's Lens story, and in the end him and Rin reach a happy ending! but still some mysteries remain, and those will be answered in the second sequel! It does not yet have a name, but please continue reading the stories! Thank you for taking time to read** **this!**

Len POV-2 months later-

I stood in her empty room, still smelling of oranges. Everything had remained untouched,they were left where Rin last put them. Her desk had a cup of dirty watercolor water, with an unfinished painting beside it. A plate of paint was resting on the desk, slowly dressing in a layer of dust. Her blankets were tossed to the foot of the bed, with a T-shirt mixed in them. Her window was kept open, letting the chilling breeze swirl in.

Besides me, no one went in there. Her mother told me, "it's just a cave going back to the past." I didn't like that excuse though. They had many pictures around their house, and those led back to the past as well. Yes, this past is a mostly tragic thing to remember, but if you forget that you can still see the enjoyable things.

Her family tried their best to forget Rin, but none of them showed as much joy, since her death. I didn't show any joy. I didn't know how. My ray of sunshine was token out of my life. Soon after she passed away, I began failing school. I tried to pay attention, but Miku would remind me of Rin. Most of my friends went away. I was alone. I never talked. I had nothing much to say unless it was about Rin.

I sat her desk and started looking through her drawings. She was a truly amazing artist. Most of the sketches were just drawings of me and her, but one thing caught my eye. It was a brown leather notebook. I opened to the first page and read the beginning of her self harm.

'11/13| Today I went to Len's house. He started bragging about his new friend, Miku. I haven't met her yet, but I have a feeling it's going to be hard to compete with her. I don't really have a chance of being that thin and pretty. I'm really nervous, but I think I'm going to cut myself.'

My heart was racing, and I turned to the last page.

'Unknown date| I haven't been keeping track of time, it's to much of a hassle. I've been very lost and hurt. Today I give up. I'm going to reach paradise.'

And shoved inside this page as a blade covered in dry blood. I flaked off a price of red. I twirled this silver sharp object with a psychotic smile on my face. This piece of metal was about to become my enemy.

This blade ruined Rin's life and was about to ruin mine.


	14. IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE

Um.. Hey it's your author again! I decided to rewrite this story so please consider reading the rewrite! I think it's written a Lot better! It will be longer too! Thanks!


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